October 1, 2013
President Vladimir Putin
23, Ilyinka Street,
Moscow, 103132, Russia
Subject: Invitation to serve as intermediary between Barack Obama and American People
We Republicans have exhausted all avenues toward sensible negotiations on the matter of federal spending. Leading Republicans in our Congress have attempted to speak directly with Senate majority leader Reid and with President Obama, but the two of them adamantly declare they will not negotiate with us.
Obviously, our president is enamored with you. In fact, he actually trusts you. Now, before you laugh yourself silly, understand this is a serious request for your aid.
Our request is not without reasonable compensation for your time. If you can get Barack Obama to negotiate with Congressional Republicans, I will personally pay for two nights at the Bella Harbor Hilton here in beautiful Rockwall, Texas.
After you have rested from your travels, you will thoroughly enjoy an afternoon on Lake Ray Hubbard aboard the Seawolf, owned and operated by Sail With Scott. A little background: Captain Scott Self is a former mayor of the city of Rockwall and a former Rockwall County Commissioner.
Your evening will not be complete without dining at any one of our marvelous restaurants.
If you are so inclined, please contact President Barack Obama at his official address:
President Barack Hussein Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500
PS – Whatever you say, please don’t mention that the TEA Party is involved.