Relax, Greta Thunberg, Venice is not Drowning Due to Climate Change

Letter to Greta Thunberg to place her soul at peace. Dear Greta,

I know how distraught you are over the news stories that strike fear in your young heart.

"Climate change causes the tides to rise!", you are told. May I put your fears to rest? Do you not want to return to your Swedish playmates, hang out, watch goofy movies, and chat over Starbucks? Are there Starbucks stores in Sweden?